Warrior Woman,
You dreamed of a glorious birth
And with a mix of excitement and trepidation you
Entered the temple of sickness and dying and
New life.
As the waves crashed over you
A rejoicing built up inside you
But
Something changed the plans
And so
You made the sacrifice
You saved yourself and your baby
The only way you knew how
Now the trust birth camp
Whispers in your ear
Twas for nought
You were duped
Your stomach knots up
The grannies and the girlfriends
Cheerfully say
You have a healthy baby
What more could you want?
You seethe inside
Don't forget
That you are a warrior
Who made a choice
A wound for your child
You are stronger now
Your scar tries to tell you
I am tough, you can be too
And you have days
Like any soldier
When you remember the fear
The helplessness
Was it my fault?
Did they lie?
You struggle for answers in a
World of greys
And pray for a different birth
Next time
Honour your scar
She is part of you
Forgive her as you
Forgive youself
Caress her and thank her
Trust her to watch over you and
Your future babies
Let the Goddess hold you as you
mourn
heal
weep
rejoice
And carry the strength of your birthing sisters
Into the temple once again.
© 2009 Amy Gow
i luv it Amy, thanx for posting. I've never had a c-section, but the fear was always there.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean Kathryn.
ReplyDeleteMore and more, I am astounded by the strength of women in less than ideal circumstances: augmentation, forceps births, c-sections. I am amazed at how they pull through them, and I think we need to honour their experiences and focus on how strong they've been instead of constantly victimizing them. Of course there needs to be acknowledgement of how the mother feels, but I've seen more than one mother who was happy with her birth until people ripped her birth apart in their efforts to "educate" her.
I delivered both my babes via c-section. The first was a big babe, almost 11 lbs and after a day of going on and him being stuck, we did the section. My second I struggled most of the pregnancy with anxiety the birth of the second would end much the same. After a lot of thought and not enough research I signed up for section #2. I ended up in labour as I waited for our surgery and went through with the section. I beat myself up over it constantly and hope for the courage to attempt a vbac with my third. I need to continue to heal. It will come sometime, someday :) Thanks for blogging, you are so encouraging. Fantastic!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I think that anytime a mother goes through a traumatic, long, hard birth, it's going to be very difficult for her to get to a place of confidence in her body for future births. The hard birth has reinforced society's message that women are somehow faulty, that our parts don't work right.
ReplyDeleteYou need to immerse yourself in women that KNOW women are okay, who KNOW women have perfected birth, who have utmost faith in you and your choices- people who make you feel like you are the ultimate authority at your births, and who gently remind you that it won't be them, or your doctor or midwife, who will ultimately have to process this experience and its effects on you personally, it will be YOU doing that. That may sound like a heavy reponsibility, but when you come to terms with that and do the emotional/mental/spiritual prep that you need to do in order to feel you are making the best decisions for yourself and your family, you will have an awesome birth!